Red Light Special
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: Supergirl and Lex Luthor's attempts at experimentation with Red Kryptonite. No, not THAT kind...
1. Chapter 1

**Red Light Special**

**A DCU Fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon and The Ero Sennin**

**DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based parody. The Detective Comic Universe is owned by Detective Comics and Warner Brothers. Please support the official release.**

* * *

><p>Lex Luthor, billionaire supervillain, was standing in his lab with a maniacal grin on his face as red light gleamed across his face. His scientist was running laser scanners all over the red rock sitting on the scale in the center of the examination table.<p>

"You're certain of this?" Lex asked, his teeth gleaming. The scientist gulped and nodded.

"Yes, yes I am sir. The chemical composition is almost identical to kryptonite. However, it seems to have undergone a further transformation into this variant."

"And yet, the radiation profile is almost identical," Lex grinned. "The waveform is distinct from standard Green-K but similar enough that it will cause physiological reactions in Kryptonians. It seems to be in the same range as brain waves."

"Well, yes sir," the scientist responded with a nod. "It suggests the radiation might be limited to psychological effects."

"Oh? You mean…" And here Lex grinned, "I might be able to influence Superman's mental processes?"

"Well, I suppose," the scientist said with a nod. "At the same time, it is distinct enough that the spectrographic analysis indicates the presence of some exotic matter, which would-"

"Allow us another defensive measure against Superman!" Lex Luthor declared, throwing his arms out with a maniacal grin. "And the rest of that alien's extended family!"

"Or," the scientist began, "we could just study this unique alien material for various applications in high energy physics?"

Lex Luthor slowly turned his head and stared at the scientist. The scientist sighed.

"I'm fired aren't I?"

"No," Lex sighed, shaking his head. "But you clearly missed the employee orientation."

"It was six hours long, and I had a grande latte!" The scientist protested. Lex scowled and pointed to the door.

"No excuses! You should have brought your own adult diapers! It was right there in the provided handbook!"

Lex rubbed his chin. "Now then… What would be the best way to test this out?" He scowled as he thought of luring Superman or Superboy into a trap. Frankly, most of his plans were predictable to the S-Shield men. That, and Superboy was kind of his son.

That was a whole new level of awkward he hadn't accounted for.

The women, on the other hand… He smirked.

"I haven't had a lot of experience with the S-Shield women… They'll be far less prepared for a trap. Well, Supergirl at least. The newest one." He smirked. "I believe she would be the most amenable to… Persuasion under the influence of the Red Kryptonite."

"You mean mind control?" Asked the scientist.

"I said no such thing. You did," Lex sniffed.

"But you just mentioned mind control earlier-" the scientist pointed out, but was subsequently interrupted by his boss.

"You're obviously delusional on top of not fulfilling your employee obligations of attending mandatory orientations." Lex glared. "Must I find more infractions in your conduct to… Note?"

The scientist sighed. "Very well sir." He really should have accepted that transfer to Gotham. He really should have.

"And you're helping with this project directly, too."

"As… A supervisor?" The scientist guessed. Lex smirked.

"If by supervisor you mean 'bait' then yes."

Yep. Definitely should have accepted that transfer to Gotham. At least his boss wouldn't _also_ be the supervillain threatening his life…

* * *

><p>Kara Zor-El sighed as she floated above a haystack. She was looking up at the blue sky with a pensive expression on her face, and she twitched a bit.<p>

"Something on your mind, Kara?" Asked a familiar voice. She rotated in mid air, staring up at her cousin. She sighed and rubbed her face.

"Hey Kal," she said. "I guess it's pretty obvious…"

Superman smirked slightly. "Even without super senses." He floated next to her, pulling his legs up like he was sitting. "What's up?"

Kara looked down at the ground, a hint of a blush on her cheeks. "Well… It's kind of embarrassing. I don't know how you'll take it, really…"

"I'm sure it isn't that bad," Superman spoke, reaching out to rest his hand on Supergirl's shoulder. Kara took a deep breath.

"Sex."

Clark's hand didn't move. In fact, he squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.

"I'm… Sorry, I don't know how extensive your education was on Krypton-"

"Oh no, I-I know how it works," Kara said quickly. Clark nodded.

"Ah. Good."

"I'm just... " Kara sighed. "I guess with humans, it's… A little awkward. I mean, they're so close to being Kryptonian and yet... " She looked up at Clark and sighed. Clark frowned.

"It… Isn't something… Biological, is it?" He asked. Kara shook her head.

"Not… Exactly. I guess it's like… Little things. You know, psychologically. I know I shouldn't care, but I feel like I am caring too much and I shouldn't but at the same time…" She pouted and grunted in irritation. "You must think I'm terrible."

"Not at all," Clark said with a smile. "I was raised by humans so it's natural for me. You though… It's a bit of an adjustment."

"Yeah," Kara sighed. "I can't seem to stop thinking about them as… Well… Aliens." She shook her head. "And my super senses keep telling me stuff about their internals I didn't want to know."

"Are my internals any less gross?" Clark asked in good cheer. Kara gave him an X-Ray look.

"Well, I was trained as a scientist but it's… Not the kind of thing I'm talking about," Kara stated. Clark coughed, and rubbed his chin.

"Right…"

"I dunno," Kara said. "Maybe I'm just a racist."

"Or maybe you're just on an alien world with most of your race gone," Clark pointed out. Kara smiled up at him sardonically.

"Good point. I guess, in the end…" She sighed. "Maybe I just need to loosen up? Then again, you being someone to talk to about this is-"

"Kara," Clark said gently, "I've had to keep myself under control since I was a child, because I might have hurt a lot of people. That doesn't mean I don't know how to cut loose." He smiled and shrugged. "It just requires a bit more preparation first."

Kara nodded. "I understand…" She frowned and heard a cry for help with her superhearing. She glanced over at Clark, who had clearly heard it as well. "Um… Clark, do you think I could handle this?"

Clark nodded. "Sure. Sometimes, a rescue will help clear your head… Because you're saving someone's life. Someone," and here Clark grinned, "who is having a much worse day than you."

"Good point," Kara said, before she shot off faster than a speeding bullet.

* * *

><p>Supergirl landed at an abandoned car along Kansas State Highway 24, identifying the location of the cry for help. She X-Rayed the vehicle and found a cellphone sitting on the front seat. She reached in and pulled it up. She held it to her ear.<p>

"Hello?"

_"Oh thank God! Help me please! I just dialed this random number and I had no idea where this phone was! Please, please help! I've been kidnapped!"_ A man cried desperately.

"Stay calm sir," Kara answered back, "do you know where you are?"

_"Ah… Metropolis I think. I was taken to a warehouse… I-I can't remember the exact address, but I can hear the sea, and saw a big green warehouse-"_

"Don't worry sir," Kara said brightly. "I'll find you." She took off, and held her phone tight enough against her cheek to keep it intact as she broke the sound barrier.

_"OH GOD WHAT-WHAT WAS THAT?!"_ The man gasped. Kara winced.

"Um… Sorry. That happens sometimes," she replied. "Hang on, I'm not going anywhere. I just have to mute this."

_"Mute?! Why would you-?!"_ The man gasped, but Kara turned the sound off. She accelerated, going higher and arcing high over the earth. She caught sight of Metropolis and descended, zipping down to the seaside of the great city. She turned the sound back on.

"Sir? Sir, can you hear me? I'm here, please speak to me!"

The man was silent, and Kara was afraid the sonic boom had given away he had a phone to his captors. Then he spoke slowly.

_"Um… You're… Here?"_

"I mean I'm in Metropolis," Kara explained. "Just tell me… Green warehouse, right? Is there anything else you can tell me?" She flew down, scanning the dock areas of the city. She picked out several green warehouses in the area, and she shot down like a bullet to listen. "Anything at all?"

_"Uh… Th-There is a sound… I can hear some trucks…? A loud sound, like a crane engine…?"_

Supergirl focused and extended her super senses. Yep, she could hear a lot of different engines and cranes… This was not getting her anywhere.

"Hang on sir… Cover your ears," she told him.

_"Um, what-?"_

"Just do it sir!" Kara ordered. She waited five seconds, before she took a deep breath. She pursed her lips and whistled. She tilted her head… And picked up her own whistle, coming from a particular warehouse several blocks north of her. Kara beamed, and flew for the building. She switched to X-Ray vision and saw multiple human figures in the warehouse-One tied up and in the bottom of a van, with several other men with guns around the inside. She smiled and smashed her way through the roof. They all looked up and gasped.

"Superbroad!"

"Supergirl, _please_!" Kara shouted. They opened fire with bullets that she ignored, and she flew down to gently punch the first guy she met into another thug. She struck another, and another, quickly dispatching all of the kidnappers with her gentle blows. She smiled and flew over to the van, quickly tearing it open.

"Hello sir!"

The man sitting there was wearing glasses and a shocked expression. He had an IPhone next to his face, as his hands were bound with duct tape. He was in his late twenties or early thirties, and rather handsome with his pitted chin, auburn hair and high cheekbones. Despite her issues with humans, he wasn't bad looking at all.

"So… I… Called Supergirl?" He asked. The blonde woman nodded happily.

"Oh yes! Well, sort of…"

The doctor smiled. "I guess I really am lucky, huh?"

Supergirl nodded. "Yes, yes you are!" She reached out for the duct tape around his wrists… As several panels on the inside of the van opened up. Green light filled her vision and she gasped. The scientist sighed and shrugged.

"You, on the other hand…"

And a blunt blow from a large robot's arm to the head sent her into unconsciousness.

* * *

><p>Supergirl groaned and slowly came to, the air now chilly and pressing around her. It was clearly inside, and that had clearly been a trap.<p>

How the Kryptonite had sapped her strength fast enough to make it possible for her to be knocked out, she didn't know. Though… With a bit of X-Ray vision she was able to see that there were a number of military grade super androids holding her down on a cold table, and surrounding her. Red sunlight lamps burned above her, and she felt her strength lessened.

She could also see the scientist on the other side of a heavily reinforced armored glass window. He waved awkwardly.

_"Ah… Hello Supergirl,"_ he said over the intercom. _"Really sorry about this."_

"You know, I was happy to save you," Supergirl said with a scowl. "You just lured me in like this and now I'm a prisoner!" She glared. "So, are you just trying to establish your credentials as a supervillain or what?"

She immediately scanned the room for a weakpoint to shoot with her heat vision. She estimated she had enough power to get off a single shot, but it needed to be a critical hit.

_"Actually, I'm just doing my job,"_ the scientist said with a shrug. _"To be honest, I don't think it's going to go very well for my employer."_

_"That's enough, Doctor,"_ growled a familiar male voice. _"You've rambled enough! Begin the experiment!"_ Lex Luthor walked up to the glass as well, and glared out at Kara.

"Ex-Experiment?!" Gasped Supergirl. She struggled. "Hang on a second, Luthor! I don't know what you've heard about Kryptonian sexuality but-but I'm not into this without some incentive! Some **consent**!" She paused. "I mean, do you have some forms for me to sign? Or verbal consent?! I can do that! Maybe! Depends on what the experiment is!"

Both men stared through the screen as Supergirl continued to babble and kick her legs into the air.

"I-I mean, if this is going to be some kind of-of human/alien hybrid thing, you can count me right out because that's my baby and it's my body and you have no right to-!"

**_"That's not it at all!"_ **The scientist and Lex Luthor both shouted over the intercom. Supergirl blinked.

_"Indeed,"_ Lex Luthor said. _"I have in fact discovered a new form of Kryptonite, Supergirl. And I am going to test it on you to see what the effects are."_

Kara blinked a few times. "Wait… You're going to expose me to something that can kill me just to see what happens? What if it really kills me? Do you have any idea how many superheroes would come after you to kill you?"

_"We're not going to kill you, you babbling twit!"_ Lex barked through the intercom angrily. _"I just… God, how long have you been on this planet again?"_

"About a year or so…?" Kara said, tilting her head curiously. "I'm not entirely sure-"

_"Doctor Clarke, please explain,"_ Lex said flatly. _"She is wearing on my nerves."_

_"Yes sir,"_ the now named Doctor Clarke replied. He adjusted his glasses again. _"Ahem… We have discovered a version of Kryptonite that acts on a different wavelength than the standard type. It seems to affect brainwaves in Kryptonians, but we need to find out for sure-"_

"So you can brainwash me into your sex slave?!" Supergirl cried, struggling frantically. "LIKE _HELL_!"

_"Why does everyone SAY that?!"_ Lex Luthor snarled over the intercom. _"NO! I'M NOT MAKING YOU INTO MY SEX SLAVE!"_

"... Well why not?" Supergirl asked, suddenly indignant. "I mean, what's wrong with me?"

Doctor Clarke snorted into his hand. Lex sighed.

_"The point is that it is another defense against you aliens!"_

_"And thus it is negated by telling them about it,"_ mumbled Doctor Clarke.

_"I HEARD that,"_ Lex growled. Clarke scowled.

_"You're the one putting me in the same room as a superpowered alien you want to poke with a stick!"_

_"Well I wouldn't if you had just obeyed-!"_

"Is this a bad time?" Supergirl asked coquettishly. "I can let you work out your sexual tension while I wait."

Silence. Doctor Clarke made a face. Lex spoke coldly.

_"Doctor? Expose her to the Red Kryptonite."_

_"Yes sir,"_ Clarke sighed. He typed a few commands on the computer, and one of the robots approached with a lead lined box held between its claw-like hands. It lifted the box's lid, and red light poured out from the box. Kara stared at the light, going silent and becoming entranced. One of the robots held up a sensor probe, and scanned her forehead with several lasers.

_"Well?"_ Asked Lex. _"What are the results?"_

His voice seemed far away as she drifted. Everything felt warm, and cold, and yet it was like she was still rooted… Wow… She expected to be hurting but this was… Nothing like green Kryptonite. She actually felt like giggling. A lot.

She blinked several times, before she slowly moved her gaze up towards the ceiling and the red lamps shining on her.

Doctor Clarke rolled his eyes and checked the screens. _"Her brain activity is changing… It's hard to tell given her alien physiology… But that said, her waves seem to be settling into a theta-wave like pattern."_

_"Theta-wave?"_ Asked Lex. Clarke nodded.

_"Yes sir, but it seems to be kind of-"_

There was a sharp sound, like high energy beams slicing through dense, sturdy material and more fragile wiring beneath it, before all the lights in the room went out.

_"What was that?"_ Lex demanded. Clarke gulped as red emergency lamps came out and cast the examination room into an eerie mix of shadow and light. Lex Luthor's sweaty bald head shone in the red light.

Supergirl was standing right against the glass, unblinking and grinning broadly at the two men behind the glass. The military grade androids behind her were all in various states of destroyed, and she was wearing the red kryptonite around her neck.

Lifting her hand up, she waved to the two men, before she balled her hand into a fist and punched through the glass.

And Lex and Clarke began screaming at a pitch Kara didn't think human males could reach. She was learning something new every day on this planet!

* * *

><p><strong><em>To be continued...<em>**


	2. Chapter 2

**Red Light Special**

**A DCU Fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon and The Ero Sennin**

**DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based parody. The Detective Comic Universe is owned by Detective Comics and Warner Brothers. Please support the official release.**

* * *

><p>Doctor Larry Clarke had expected Lex Luthor to run away at the first sign of trouble. He'd seen the Glassdoor reviews of LexCorp, after all: The review by a certain M. Graves haunted him still.<p>

He didn't think he had to just seal an armored door in front of Clarke and leave him behind.

"SIR! THIS IS REALLY NOT FAIR!" Clarke shouted through the heavily reinforced graphene and Gundanium steel doors. "I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!"

His phone rang. He answered it immediately, and his employer's voice came through loud and clear.

_"Once again, you didn't read all the way through the employee handbook,"_ Lex stated. _"In the event of a catastrophic breach of contract, LexCorp employees will be used as targets to keep the CEO from being harmed or imprisoned by hostile alien lifeforms."_

"WHAT JUDGE SIGNED OFF ON THAT?!" Clarke shouted in disbelief.

_"Do you recall Girl Scouts of America v. LexCorp?"_

"NO!" Clarke shouted. He pounded on the armored doors uselessly as the sounds of chaos and destruction got closer. "COME ON! JUST LET ME _THROUGH_!"

_"No,"_ Lex said. _"I refer to Weyland Yutani v. Lexcorp: Lexcorp employees who have severely annoyed the CEO may be used in impromptu scientific experiments involving hostile alien lifeforms."_ He snorted. _"It'll be a hundred years before they get that reversed."_

Heavy caliber gunfire beyond the relatively flimsy security door between Dr. Clarke and Supergirl came to an abrupt and violent halt. Childish giggling followed.

"Oh God," Clarke groaned. "Why did I agree to work for you? What in the hell possessed me to work for you?! Why does anyone work for you?!"

_"It's a shame most people seem to ask those questions of themselves before working for me,"_ Lex admitted. _"Thank god for all my robots. No complaints, no labor negotiations, no lawsuits…"_

_"I could use more time off, Lex,"_ a female voice called on the other side of the line.

_"Not NOW, Robo-Lois,"_ Lex grumbled. _"Anyway, if you survive I will forward the documents needed for you to extend your health insurance to your address-"_

"OPEN THE GOD DAMNED DOORS!" Clarke yelled, whacking the armored doors repeatedly. "OW!"

"_Well, look at it this way Clarke,"_ Lex said. _"If I open those doors, we'll be unleashing a giggling, rampaging Supergirl onto Metropolis. You really want that on your conscience?"_

"Do you even know what that is?!"

_"... Doors or conscience?"_ Asked Lex.

"Nevermind," Clarke muttered, slowly turning to face the doors. He scanned them, the airvent hatch above it, the flashing emergency lights-

Wait. Back up. _Air vent!_

"Yes!" He said, quickly pulling the hatch open and crawling through. And not a second sooner, as Supergirl opened the security doors by kicking them across the room.

"Lexy~... Come out and play~...!" She flew up to the heavily reinforced doors and kicked them at full strength. The facility shook and the lights above shorted out… But the doors held. Supergirl pouted.

"Huh! That's pretty sturdy… hmmm…" She brightened when she saw the phone off its hook and picked it up. "Hey there, Lex."

_"Hello Supergirl,"_ Lex replied stiffly.

"How much money did LexCorp make in the last fiscal year?"

_"Several billion dollars,"_ Lex said.

"I bet that I can do so much damage to your assets you will need a solid decade to make up for it."

_"You know, this was _entirely_ Larry Clarke's idea,"_ said Lex quickly. "_I mean, he devised the trap and everything else."_

"Oh Lex, it may have been his idea, but you wanted to profit off it."

_"Damn. That always works on the Supreme Court,"_ Lex muttered._ "Anyway… Surely there's some shred of heroic decency in you to not tear through my lab? Which is in a heavily populated area of Metropolis?"_

Supergirl hummed and gave that a lot of thought. "When you put it like that, doing that much damage to your lab while it's in a heavily populated part of Metropolis would be pretty awful."

She snapped her fingers.

"Oh, I've got the _perfect_ idea!"

Supergirl smiled and looked towards the open vent.

"But before I entertain the idea… mmm… Don't you go anywhere, Lex, okay?" she said before she dropped the receiver. "Oh Doctor Clarke~!"

* * *

><p>On the other side of several hundred tons of reinforced steel, concrete, and armor plating, Doctor Clarke dropped from an air vent into another corridor of the research facility. He took deep breaths and rubbed his temples.<p>

"Oh man… Oh man... " He shut the air vent hatch behind him. "Haa…"

Okay. He didn't think she would immediately follow him. I mean, there were plenty of robots for her to kill right? Lots of the same kind of boring, uninteresting robot for her to trash.

* * *

><p>"I can't imagine how anyone can find <em>Destiny<em> fun," Supergirl said after tossing aside the remains of another robot.

She then noticed one of the robots had been carrying (and attempting to use) a very large energy weapon on her. She immediately went to pick it up. "Oh! What does this thing do?"

* * *

><p>And he had enough concrete and armor to keep him safe for a bit. After all, she was severely reduced in power. It's not as if Lex Luthor had equipped particle buster weapons on his robots in this area. That would just be ridiculously overkill and-<p>

**_KABOOM!_**

Clarke yelped and held on for dear life as the facility shook. He saw a round crater developing in the nearby wall. He did the calculations in his head to assess what kind of weapon could leave such a pattern in said thousands of tons of armor and concrete… And paled.

"Oh son of a-HOW DOES THIS MORON KEEP SURVIVING FIGHTING SUPERMAN?!" Clarke yelled, turning and running for his life. Another shot from the particle buster weapon opened up a tunnel into the armored corridor. Supergirl pranced through, carrying the extremely large and heavy buster weapon over her shoulder.

"I now see the appeal of Destiny!" she said happily before she saw Clarke. "Oh, hello Doctor Clarke!"

She pointed the weapon haphazardly at him. "You wouldn't happen to know if there are any living, breathing people besides you and Lex in the building, would you? I had an awesome idea for sticking it to him and it kind of helps if there isn't any collateral damage."

And all Doctor Clarke could do was squeak as he tried very hard not to wet his pants.

"Well, hang on," he said. "Wouldn't you like to do anything other than stick it to him… or point that at me? We could um… play a game or something to get your mind off the rampant destruction?"

And maybe give him enough time to get the red kryptonite from around her neck somehow, he hoped.

Supergirl looked at her new weapon (which she has since dubbed "Sir Blaster, Master of Blasting", and then lowered it.

"Oh, I have no time for that! I'm a very busy very vengeful girl and I'm going to have a great and terrible revenge against Lex," she said before giving him a less manic smile. "But if you want to go out on a date after I'm done with Lex, we can totally hang out and do stuff then!"

"... Sure…?" Clarke managed.

"Great! You're really hot and I would've hated to have scared you so much that you wouldn't be interested. So, about all the other people in the building…?"

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, in a cafe near a convention center…<em>

Batman and Superman sitting in a cafe at a booth was not particularly interesting to the patrons of the diner. There was a comic book convention going on, after all-Such costumes were expected. Admittedly, they were very good cosplayers but the idea of the actual superheroes being in this cafe was laughable.

Hence, it was the actual Batman and Superman sitting in the booth, sipping coffee, as Superman went through his swag. He looked up at Batman, who was flipping through a comic book detailing them fighting. The Man of Steel sighed.

"That any good?" Clark asked.

"No," Batman stated. He put the comic face down on the table. Clark sighed and looked up at one of his oldest friends.

"So... Why does everybody obsess over us fighting anyway?" Superman asked. Batman grunted.

"I think it's a big power fantasy. I'm a normal human being, they want to imagine they're me and so they can take down a god."

"But... I'm super powerful. Shouldn't people want to fantasize about being me?" Superman asked.

"Yeah, but I'm rich," Batman said, sipping some coffee. "People can imagine themselves becoming rich, not being a superpowered alien."

Superman sighed, feeling a little down. He stirred his coffee cup. Batman was silent and thoughtful for a moment, before he spoke again.

"Yeah, but you know what?" Batman asked.

"What?"

"They seem to forget that I'm _smart_. And I'm smart enough to know that beating a superpowered alien is not as smart as becoming his best friend."

"Oh? So... Friendship is like my true weakness?" Superman asked after a moment's though. Batman nodded, lifting his coffee mug.

"Uh huh."

"Like kryptonite, or magic?"

Batman sipped his coffee. "Yes."

"So… Friendship…"

"Is magic-" Batman glared at Superman, whose shoulders were now shaking in repressed laughter. "Oh goddamnit."

"HA!" Superman said with a grin. Batman sighed.

"Go jump over a tall building or something."

Superman's Justice League communicator beeped, prompting him to pick it up and answer. "Superman, here."

He was rather chagrined to hear Luthor's voice on the other end. _"Superman, I need your assistance immediately."_

Superman immediately put his communicator down. He scowled over at Batman. "Okay. Nice trick."

"What trick?" Batman asked.

"Ya know. Have Lex Luthor call me in the middle of the convention? On my JLA communicator?" He asked sarcastically. "While I'm on vacation? To somewhere I dragged you to?"

Batman stared at him.

"I'm _right here_. How could I do that?"

"Oh, like you couldn't have a perfect voice replica android of Lex Luthor call me in the middle of our vacation to ask for help," said Superman. Batman nodded.

"I could do that. I may have already done that. But the question is… Why?"

Superman glared at Batman. Batman shrugged. Superman sighed. He picked the JLA communicator up again and unmuted it.

"What do you want, Lex? And how did you even get this number?"

_"The Martian connected me to you after he managed to stop laughing long enough. I'm in a humiliating spectacle of a situation, so you should be glad that I care enough about the people of Metropolis to call you for help with it."_

"If you actually cared about the people of Metropolis, why don't you put your crazy dangerous science projects somewhere far, far away from them?" Superman asked.

_"Well, it's so you don't just bust in and wreck my 'science projects'',"_ Lex snapped.

"You do realize how terrible that makes you sound, right?" Superman said.

_"Can we stick to the matter at hand?!"_ Lex quickly snapped._ "One of my scientists, inspired by our… rivalry… thought to test a newly discovered variant of Kryptonite on Supergirl."_

"So, translated from Crazy Lex Talk, you decided to test a new variant of Kryptonite-something that _kills us_- on a teenaged girl after kidnapping her and you're blaming it on one of your subordinates," Superman replied.

"Don't see why you have to spell it out, that's what he _always_ does," Batman muttered.

_"Yes! Fine! I was hoping for a trump card to kill you. Instead, I have a superpowered teenaged girl going on a rampage through my facility giggling like a madwoman and holding very little regard for life or very, very expensive property!"_

Superman sighed. "Seriously Lex. You have like, a billion dollars. Why can't you do something productive?"

"He kind of already does, seeing how he owns a multi-billion dollar company," Batman pointed out.

"Stop helping Lex!" Superman said. Batman nodded.

"That's what I meant. He has all that to do but he still keeps trying to kill you."

_"ARE YOU IDIOTS GOING TO HELP ME OR NOT?!"_ Lex shouted over the phone.

Superman sighed as he looked over at Batman. Batman nodded.

"It's what we do… Superheroes," Batman said. Superman sighed.

"We'll be right there… For _Supergirl_! And Metropolis! Not you Lex. I'm just making that clear!"

"Well you'd better hurry, I've lost sight of her and Doctor Clarke and-" there was a rumbling in the background that did not sound good at all. "Oh good Lord. Superman! Get here right n-!"

The call abruptly ended. Superman sighed.

"Great…"

"Why do you always call him Lex?" Asked Batman. Superman blinked.

"What?"

"You call him Lex. Like, you don't call him by his last name. It's kind of like implying you're on closer terms with him than other villains," Batman pointed out. Superman's eyes narrowed.

"Well don't you call the Joker 'The Joker'?"

"Yes, because he doesn't have any other name," Batman pointed out. "And he calls you the Alien…"

"What are you implying?" Superman asked. Batman shrugged.

"Just saying, pet names with your villains is usually not a good sign. Especially when your wife is on vacation."

"Let's just go already," Superman grumbled.

Batman smirked.

* * *

><p><em><strong>To be continued...<strong>_


	3. Chapter 3

**Red Light Special**

**A DCU Fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon and The Ero Sennin**

**DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based parody. The Detective Comic Universe is owned by Detective Comics and Warner Brothers. Please support the official release.**

* * *

><p>As it turned out, much of the facility was automated since superheroes couldn't be sued but supervillains could. To shed liability, the entire skyscraper and its many laboratories was manned by robots with human scientists and personnel only present when needed. In today's case, Lex and Dr. Clarke were the only humans present.<p>

That suited Supergirl just fine, after Sir Blaster, Master of Blasting did what it did best and blasted her way to freedom from the eighty storey science lab.

Arm protectively around Clarke's waist, she hopped out of the hole she made and regained the vast majority of her powers as the sun's rays bathed her.

"Oh, that feels so much better!" she said as she touched down.

She then looked up at the building. "Say, how much do you suppose this is all worth?"

"I couldn't even begin to calculate, but there are a lot of skyscrapers around here filled with innocent people," he pointed out.

"Yeah, I know. That's why I have an _awesome_ idea." She cracked her knuckles, and began performing stretches, bending her lithe body in pleasant curves as she eased the tension in her superhuman muscles.

"Um… Just to make sure, you are eighteen right?" Asked Clarke. "Given… That date and all…"

"Yeah, almost nineteen in fact. I never would've asked for a date if it would get you in trouble, don't you worry!"

Well, he felt a lot less guilty about ogling her while she stretched.

"Ah yes! That's better!" Supergirl said as she finished limbering up. She handed Sir Blaster, Master of Blasting to Dr. Clarke. "Hold this, please?"

She turned towards the building and rubbed her hands together. "I'm going to do something awesome."

With that she became a blur, racing straight at the skyscraper and circling around its base at an increasing speed. Clarke did the calculations in his head and immediately realized that standing within ground zero of what Supergirl was going to do was probably a bad idea.

He was right to worry, for the building began shaking violently almost right away as Supergirl began doing something to its base in her unbelievably fast movement. The shaking grew, and grew, and it almost looked like the building was about to topple over as it swayed from side to side.

But it didn't fall.

It began to _ascend_.

"Oh… Shit," Clarke muttered.

The Building, with a red and blue tornado going on under its bottom, ascended like a rocket from the middle of Metropolis, turning heads and gaining gawkers as it hurtled into the afternoon sky above the white cumulus clouds that hung above… and then the far higher cirrus clouds that dusted the sky above them.

"... How is it even staying together without falling apart?" Clarke asked, shaking his head. "The math doesn't work... None of this works…" He sighed and looked down at Sir Blaster, Master of Blasting. "And I'm talking to a particle weapon…"

"Would you prefer better conversation?" Batman suddenly asked.

"GAH!" Clarke gasped, holding his chest as his heart threatened to beat right out of it. "H-How did you-Where-?!"

"Don't make me answer that," Batman stated. "Now, what exactly are we looking at?"

"We?" And that's about when Clarke noticed Clark hovering just to the right of Batman, looking up at the ascending building. "Oh my God…"

"Supergirl is… keeping it stable by moving to every point that seems to be losing stability while pushing it into the sky," Superman said, explaining why it wasn't falling apart in midair. "She's also accelerating towards suborbital flight… and her trajectory…"

Superman grimaced. "Well, she's not aiming for a particularly populated area at least."

Superman's communicator beeped again, and when he answered it. It was Amanda Waller. "Superman, why is NORAD tracking a skyscraper at an altitude of 300,000 feet and ascending hurtling towards LexCorp's largest automated weapons manufacturing facility in the Southwestern United States?"

"Let me answer that with another question? How do you people keep getting this number?"

"The Manhunter."

"Damn it J'onn."

Batman took the communicator. "Lex attempted to harm Supergirl with a new weapon, but it backfired magnificently."

"We're evacuating the area around the factory but since we can't have chunks of LexCorp property raining down across much of New Mexico and Arizona, we're not going to engage it, luckily that is why we have superheroes, isn't it?" Ms. Waller asked.

"Yes, yes it is," said Batman.

"Where's Lex?" Clark asked Clarke.

Clarke looked up at the building, then back at Superman. "I think he's still inside."

"Right. I'll take my Batjet and save him, you talk your cousin down," Batman said.

"Aw… But then you'll get all the gloating with the villain," Superman said. Batman rolled his eyes.

"I'll save some gloating for you, all right?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

* * *

><p>The room Lex was sealed in was well protected against superbeings. It was well protected against most everything really. It was air tight, with its own air and water supply, had food and entertainment for laying low, and even an independent power source so he could keep tabs on what was going on not only outside the room, but outside the building.<p>

So he was understandably upset to see that his entire building was now nearly five hundred thousand feet off the ground.

"That crazy bitch…!" He threw his hands up. "Doesn't she realize she's going to kill everyone?!"

_"It's almost as though someone exposed her to a radioactive rock that made her lose all her inhibitions, isn't it?"_ Asked a voice on his phone.

"You have no appreciation for science, Batman!" Lex snapped back.

_"You do realize how bad this makes you look, right? I mean, the only reason you've stayed so rich is because you've replaced most of your workforce with robots or illegal immigrants,"_ Batman continued over the phone, rather conversationally. That just pissed Luthor off even more.

"Come now! We're both men, right?" Lex asked. "We can both appreciate how big a threat Superman and the rest of his alien kin are? Why do we butt heads so much? Why must we fight?" He spread his arms out magnanimously. "We're the same species-Why not work together towards the greater good?"

The building had reached the apex of its ballistic flight, and when Lex looked up he found Supergirl floating in the monitor, waving to him.

She then pulled out pen and pad, and began writing down something on it. She held the note up to the camera.

_In five minutes this building is going to smash into your most profitable weapons manufacturing plant,_ the note read.

"Oh crap," Lex muttered. "All right… My teleporter, teleporter… I know I put a teleporter in here somewhere…" He looked through his pile of gadgets, tossing each non-teleporting one he found. "Where is it…?!"

_"You forgot your teleporter didn't you?"_ Batman asked.

Supergirl flipped a page and resumed writing, before holding it up to the camera.

_I'm sure you're trying to find a way out, but you're pretty much boned whether you live or die._

"I… I totally did _NOT_ forget my teleporter!" Lex growled. He quickly began looking through the systems of his bunker. "Let's see… Anti-gravity system… Damnit, I don't have that! Rocket system? No... !"

_"Why exactly would you have rockets on your panic room?"_ Asked Batman.

Well this is another unlikely contingency to prepare for next time. "Like you would have rockets on **yours**!"

_"No. I would have a functioning teleporter though,"_ Batman said smugly.

Lex screamed in frustration, before the building began shaking again. He switched tactics and began to search for a forcefield generator and an oxygen tank. Or anything he could put together into those items to survive.

"Wha-Gotham Knights?! Why do I have a Gotham Knights T-shirt-Nevermind!" Lex grumbled. "It's okay… I'm Lex Luthor, smartest human being on this planet. I can figure something out!"

_"Even the greatest genius in the world knows Occam's Razor,"_ Batman replied, _"in that the simplest solution is usually the best."_

"Do you want to quote the blindingly obvious to me, Batman, or do you want to help me?" Lex snarled angrily. The hatch to his panic room opened, and Lex stood up in fear with a laser gun in his hands. Batman poked a hand in, and waved. Lex snarled.

"Batman?! How did you-?!"

"Spaceship. Polymer seal portable airlock. Hacked your triple encrypted security system and…" Here Batman stepped into the panic room with a smirk. "It's all because-"

"You're _Batman_?" Lex Luthor asked sarcastically. Batman nodded.

"Yes… And smarter than you."

"I could just shoot you right now," Lex warned. Batman shrugged.

"And then who would fly you down? Supergirl?"

Lex glared death at Batman. Batman stared him down. Lex sighed and lowered his gun.

"That's what I thought."

* * *

><p>Supergirl flew high above the Earth, and grinned devilishly as she watched the LexCorp building begin to plummet for the ground. The outer surface of the building started to glow, burning from the friction of re-entry.<p>

"Kara!" Superman shouted. Supergirl looked back at her cousin, and waved with a cheerful smile.

"Hi Kal! I'm throwing ruining Lex financially!"

"I saw," Superman said wryly. "Why don't you hand over the Red Kryptonite and we'll talk about it?"

"Why? It's pretty awesome."

"It's affecting your judgement."

"Not really."

"You launched a skyscraper into suborbit like an ICBM."

Supergirl nodded. "Cool, right?"

"With Lex still inside!"

"… I'm not seeing the problem there."

"We can't kill him, Kara," Superman said patiently. "Or anyone else."

"You killed Doomsday!" Kara accused. Superman grimaced.

"That was _different_," Superman said. "He was an ancient Kryptonian superweapon! Like… A robot… Or a cyborg… Or an artificial being…" He sighed. "Point is, killing him because you have no other choice is different from just tossing a building from low Earth orbit onto a factory filled with innocent people!"

"Come on, those are all robots!" Kara whined. "_Totally_ all robots!"

"What about the people around the factory?" Asked Superman gently. "Kinetic impacts can't tell the difference between people and robots."

"Fine, I'll slow it down enough so it only rattles nearby windows. Can I go now?!"

"Kara, I think you should let me take the Red-K from you," Superman said slowly.

"Kal, figure I hand you over the Red-K right now, what do you think it'll do to you?"

"It's not the One Ring, Kara," Kal said. "I'm just gonna throw it into the sun real fast-"

"Oh I'm _definitely_ not giving it up then."

Superman locked his eyes on the Red-K necklace and fired a burst of heat vision. Kara however responded with her own heat vision blast, deflecting the energy blasts. Kal moved at superspeed to grab for the red crystal, but he got Supergirl's fist in his chin for his trouble. He blocked her next several strikes, before trapping her arms and flinging her after the falling skyscraper. He shot down after her, and dodged her return heat vision blasts. He growled and reached out to grab the necklace, but Kara responded by flipping herself up and kicking him in the chin.

"Hrrf!" Superman responded with an uppercut and Kara went tumbling away. She flew back, breaking the sound barrier and punching Clark as hard as she could. Clark growled.

_"S, getting Lex out,_" Batman spoke over Superman's earpiece._ "How are things on your end?"_

"Not so great," Superman subvocalized. "Gimme a second…"

Superman burst forth, blasting past Supergirl to the falling building. The Batjet flew away from the massive skyscraper as it began to tumble and break apart. Superman accelerated, moving well past the speed of sound. He flew in a cylinder, isolating the tumbling pieces into a superheated funnel. As the air got thicker, the heat of his transit increased until every piece of the massive building was burning up. Superman then changed the angle of his flight, as the Southwestern United States desert came into view below him. He accelerated once again, and turned the funnel up. The tons of superheated matter were blown out, slammed into the desert as a molten pile of slag, miles from any inhabited areas. Superman sighed, and wiped his forehead.

"Phew! I almost got cooked there." He smirked… Just before a piece of molten slag smacked into his face. "Mmph?! What the…?!" He rubbed the molten metal and plastic off his face with a grimace. Kara was standing atop the slag with a bright grin.

"SLAG FIGHT!" She shouted, scooping up more of the gunk and throwing it at her cousin. Superman ducked the ball and scowled.

"Kara! Listen to me-MMPH!" Another ball of slag hit him in the face. He sighed as it slid off his face, seeing his smug cousin grinning at him.

"Kara, you really need to-!" He ducked the next throw, and stood up with long suffering sigh. Kara stuck her tongue out at him.

"Nyah!"

Superman sighed… And then smiled. "All right…" He scooped up some of the slag, and threw it at super speed at her. She ducked it-but his follow up slag ball smacked her in the chest and sent her down for the count. Kal smirked, as the engines of Batman's aerospacecraft roared over him. Batman jumped down from the cockpit, landing next to Superman in his heat armored Batsuit.

"Made quite the mess," Batman stated. Clark shrugged.

"Not our first."

"What do you mean 'our'? She's your cousin," Batman said. Clark smiled.

"Well, given how much lead was in Lex's building, it makes sense the remnants would block the radiation of Red Kryptonite."

"Clever," Batman said. Kara slowly stood up, grimacing a bit. She had fallen into a particularly molten part of the slag pile, and was covered head to toe in the stuff.

"Yech… Gross…"

"Feeling better, Kara?" Superman asked. Kara looked up at him… And smiled, eyes red.

"Never better, Clark," she purred. "I have an excuse to go shopping! Aside from my date! You guys handle Lex! I'm off!" She flew off at supersonic speed, leaving a cloud of metallic particles that rained down on the two remaining superheroes. Superman sighed, annoyed, as Batman just deployed a heat resistant umbrella.

Superman looked over at his best friend in some mild disbelief. Batman shrugged.

"... One of Alfred's ideas," he said. Clark smirked.

"I'm sure…"

* * *

><p><strong>To be concluded...<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Red Light Special**

**A DCU Fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon and The Ero Sennin**

**DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based parody. The Detective Comic Universe is owned by Detective Comics and Warner Brothers. Please support the official release.**

* * *

><p>Back at the former site of the Lexcorp tower, a collection of police cruisers, ambulances, fire trucks and a few support mecha were investigating the scene. In one of these ambulances, Doctor Larry Clarke sighed as he stirred the cup of police provided coffee. It was warm, which he supposed was all he needed from such a beverage. And a little kick, but he doubted it was from the caffeine. The bitter taste did more than enough.<p>

"Here, have a blanket," said one of the paramedics at the scene. He tucked the blanket around his shoulders and patted them with a friendly smile. "You all right sir?"

"Yes," Clarke said with a nod. "Er... What's the blanket for?"

"Well, you're probably in shock considering what happened to you," the paramedic said cheerfully. Clarke sipped his coffee.

"I don't feel like I'm in shock."

"That's probably the shock talking," the paramedic said. He patted his shoulders again and headed out of the ambulance, walking over to confer with some other medical personnel. Clarke sipped his coffee again, and grimaced.

"Blech..."

"You okay?" Asked a familiar female voice. He jerked in shock and looked over to his right. There was Supergirl, sitting and smiling cheerfully in mid-air. Wearing a black dress that he really didn't think was doing his heart any favors. And she still had the Red-Kryptonite on a necklace around her neck, only now nestled just atop the curves of her breasts and oh my...

"Ah... Hello," he said. Supergirl smiled.

"That's not what I asked. You're wearing a blanket-Are you in shock?"

"Apparently," Clarke managed. "Um... So..."

"We're going on our date now," Supergirl said, reaching out and grabbing his arm. Clarke coughed.

"Ah... Not that I don't want to but I'm kind of in shock-"

"You'll be fine," Supergirl purred. "Also?" And here she grinned. "You don't have a lot of choice."

"Ah," Clarke nodded. "Gotcha."

On one hand, Waynetech probably wouldn't have this bullshit. On the other, he was on a date not entirely against his will with Supergirl.

Either way...? He wasn't going to be putting this on his resume any time soon...

* * *

><p>Batman and Superman had dropped the protesting Lex Luthor off at the Metropolis police station, and returned to the former site of LexCorp Tower. Superman scanned from above, making sure there were no surprises left. Batman meanwhile was investigating on the ground, using an array of scientific devices in concert with his Detective Mode. Between the two, there were very few atoms left unscanned in the area, and they met by an ambulance to discuss their findings.<p>

"No fall out, nothing left of his experiments," Batman said with a shake of his head. Superman smiled.

"Nothing toxic left... It's going to be a while before even I can punch through his underground facilities. Which ones are left and aren't completely sealed up." He looked around. "By the way... Where's Doctor Clarke?"

"The paramedics say Supergirl took him out on their date," Batman said. "Why? Do you think he needs to be in a hospital?"

"Well, Kara is still on the Red-K," Superman pointed out.

"And yet you said it yourself: She isn't too dangerous. Just a bit... Free spirited," Batman pointed out.

"Would you be so relaxed if Nightwing was off on a bender?" Superman asked with a raised eyebrow. Batman scowled slightly more than usual.

"First, it is not the same thing as beer. Second, that would never happen. Finally, your city. I'm playing by your rules here."

Superman sighed. "I just can't help being concerned... She is my cousin, after all."

"I'd worry more about her date," Batman said, adjusting one of his Bat-Scanner-Things-That-Superman-Had-Not-Been-Paying-Attention-To. Superman raised his other eyebrow and tilted his head.

"We have complete and perfect control over our strength. I don't see how-"

Supergirl appeared, wrapped in a heart stoppingly brief red silk robe. She smiled brightly.

"Um... Kal? I need the JL communicator," she said. "And a beamup to the station."

"... Why?" Superman asked. Kara beamed, her Red K necklace glowing.

"Um... I was a little rough with Larry," she admitted. "And I kind of forgot the password for the Fortress medical bay sooo..."

Superman stared at her. Supergirl opened her mouth again.

"See, I kind of broke his pelvis-"

"Here," Superman said quickly, handing his communicator over to her. She beamed.

"Thanks Kal!" She kissed his cheek and flew off, leaving many a staring paramedic and cop in her wake. Superman shot an indignant expression at them, and they all went back to their jobs. Superman sighed, and closed his eyes.

"You can stop smirking at any time, Batman."

"I could. I'm not going to though."

* * *

><p><strong>And that's it! Hope you enjoyed.<strong>


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